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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit the streets. I’m cruisin’ down Hauptstraße, feelin’ like a boss. But then, BAM! I trip over some random cobblestone. Like, who even put that there? I’m pretty sure it was just chillin’ there, waiting to ruin my day. I’m all like, “Great, just great.”

20 things you don't know about me: Tom Eschen, CBS6 Albany